One night I was up late with a friend and we were discussing our lives and how our formerly cemented plans changed within a few short months of being here at school. He had a theory that being at a liberal arts institution, which encouraged exploration and breadth learning, had forced him to take classes that ended up changing his mind. I experienced something opposite of that point of view. Sticking with what I knew only to realize what I thought I wanted wasn’t right for me after all, caused my plans to change. Unfortunately neither one of us knew what we wanted to do, we just kept piling up our lists with things we didn’t want to pursue. He didn’t mind being in limbo, but I did. And, despite our differences we both realized something that night…life will happen to you whether or not you want it to. It’s up to you to embrace the idea and run with it.
“Every time it rains, it stops raining. Every time you hurt, you heal. After darkness, there is always light and you get reminded of this every morning but still you choose to believe that the night will last forever. Nothing lasts forever. Not the good or the bad. So you might as well smile while you’re here.”—I Wrote This For You
Today for our last drawing class before critiques tomorrow we went to the Davison Art Center to look at prints. One of the prints was above. The professor who manages and curates the center called it: When There’s A Will There’s A Way and it’s by Goya. While Goya’s works are haunting they pull you in. So, I think it’s about time I watch Goya’s Ghosts. I’ll treat myself to a viewing after I finish my portrait. It’d be a nice way to wind down my summer here.
Up till now I’ve managed to score a nice grade in my Drawing class. However, this final project (a life-sized self portrait) is kicking my ass. It’s due tomorrow and it’s not turning out the way I planned. Not by a long shot. With this final project I promised myself that I would take risks by doing something hard (dynamic pose, interesting background, etc) and if I pulled it off it’d be pretty great. Unfortunately, this was a risk I probably shouldn’t have taken. Since it’s too late to start over I’m going to need faith in myself more than ever now and believe that I can pull through and create a pretty awesome drawing because I need the good grade and personal satisfaction that comes with completing a 6 ft by 3.5 ft nude, life-sized self portrait after starting to draw just 5 weeks ago.
I guess it would have helped if I picked a pose that didn’t give a 3/4 view of my face. That ish is hard to draw!
Anyway, by this time tomorrow I will be packing up for home where a future with a tollbooth, boredom and good pay await.
“How great it is when we come to know that times of disappointment can be followed by times of fufillment; that sorrow can be followed by joy; that guilt over falling short of our ideals can be replaced by pride in doing all that we can; and that anger can be channeled into creative achievements … and into dreams that we can make come true!”—Fred Rogers
“Time remains a central concern for all women writers. It is not simply a question of finding time to write- one also writes against time, knowing that life is short… Annie Dillard urges us to ‘write as if you were dying.’ A large number of black women writers both past and present have gone to early graves… I often pondered the paths [Lorraine] Hansberry might have taken had she lived longer. Her death and the early deaths of Pat Parker, Audre Lorde, Toni Cade Bambara, to name only a few, stand as constant reminders that life is not promised- that it is crucial for a writer to respect time. Without urgency or panic, a writer can use this recognition to both make the necessary time for writing and make much of that time.”—
-bell hooks, Remembered Rapture
If for no other reason I highly recommend everyone get a copy of this book and read her essay, “Women Who Write Too Much.” It seriously made me want to weep and then get my act together on my fiction and non-fiction writing.